Should We Stay or Should We Go

Alexandra Hanlon - December 3, 2016

Waking up in a strange bed brought me right back to thinking about why we were even here. The entire scenario presented sounded like a science fiction story: ordinary people lured to a deserted town and then driven in a windowless van to what we were told was one of twenty underground cities scattered around the planet. And the purpose of these cities was to preserve and protect humanity. How could we even be here? Why were we here? Why did I feel so normal? Why was Kevin acting so normal?

He was going through the same morning routine he did when we were on vacation, except he was up and in the shower already. I checked the time; I hadn't overslept. He was awake hours earlier than he would have been if this was normal, and his reaction to everything once we were alone was also out of character. His usual attitude in unknown situations was to be suspicious, always focusing on the worst possible scenario, even situations unlikely to ever happen except under the most specific circumstances. I could understand my feeling of normality in some form; my abilities were heavily in the forefront, letting me know in no uncertain terms all was well and I was where I needed to be. But Kevin? He was calm, focused, and accepting of this extraordinary situation as it had been presented to us.

My subconscious had been busy during the night, assembling everything we had learned yesterday into a coherent narrative, and so I ran through what I knew. We had been identified and, to a certain extent, investigated by this mysterious Foundation, whatever and whoever they were, to become members of the habitats, which we were told were small, self-contained cities scattered around the world. The habitat we had been brought to after signing an NDA was called NAHE, short for North American Habitat East. I had no idea where any other habitats were located; for that matter, I didn't even know where we were. It made as much sense to think the van took us up a road for fifteen minutes, and we sat for three hours before being lowered underneath the surface as it did for the same van to drive us around the entire time without any sound, vibration or sense of movement.

We had been in what seemed to be a large tunnel and then parked in a brightly lit cavern. We weren't the only ones there; everyone seemed to be doing a real job, and there were more than just a few. I couldn't deny what my senses showed me. Once we were on the Culinary floor, it was apparent the sky was a video, but realistic enough for someone who lived in this place, to ignore the fact we were actually in a large building. Another example was the cylinder in the middle of the floors, displaying camera views from the other side. And I couldn't forget the moving walkways, familiar and yet not.

We had been given an explanation. We were told these underground cities were conceived and built to save humanity's knowledge, skills and as much genetic material of all kinds to counter the destructive outcome of a devastating nuclear war. It made more sense than the only plausible concept I could come up with; we were in the middle of something out of The Truman Show. ₍₁₎ I couldn't think of anything else to justify the creation of such an elaborate deception, far beyond a Disney theme park. The first explanation seemed to fit the facts as we had experienced them and my intuition, and so until something else came to light, I had to accept this as real, even the lifts.

I got up as Kevin came out of the restroom and kissed him in passing. The night before, we had briefly considered going to the Eatery for breakfast since Cynthia had given us cards allowing us access. But neither of us was willing to brave getting there and navigating through it without coffee. At least, I hoped there would be coffee.

Walking in, the kitchen was familiar, with all the appliances one would expect, but there was an unfamiliarity to it as well. The potable water station, for starters. It seemed out of place to my eyes since I had always had clean drinking water available from any faucet. But I'd bet it might be used or welcome in some regions where the water wasn't always clean. The dishes were made of a molded material, matte white, and the drinking glasses looked like they were made out of acrylic. While the flatware looked and acted like metal utensils, they didn't feel the same, being lighter and warmer than their counterparts. So similar and yet different. I poked around in the cabinets and refrigerator, eventually finding everything I needed to serve two omelets stuffed with cheese, onions, and peppers while Kevin found the coffee and brewed a pot for us.

After we finished breakfast and cleaned up, I poured each of us another cup and we began discussing our impressions from the night before. We talked about what we had learned, stopping once we ran out of what we knew and turned to conjecture. We agreed we didn't have enough information to decide whether or not we would stay. I couldn't help but find the entire situation surreal. I told Kevin I found it hard to believe we were even discussing the possibility of living down here, much less how seriously we were both taking it.

"But we can at least decide if we want to say no," Kevin offered. "If we agree this isn’t for us, for whatever reasons, we can leave."

We began by asking ourselves precisely that. Assuming everything we've seen and been told is genuine and truthful, is there any reason to leave now? Kevin went over and picked up two house tablets, and I took notes on mine as we began deciding what was important to us, researching our questions and finally, listing the pros and cons.

Con—we might never be on the surface again.

It was a huge emotional issue for both of us and I felt an instinctual revulsion at the idea. We had evolved to live on Earth's surface; what would it be like to live the rest of our lives underneath it? To never feel the warmth of the sun or the caress of wind on my skin?

As we talked about it, we had to admit neither of us felt as if we were miles beneath the surface. Walking to the restaurant and this house had felt normal and natural. I looked at the backyard through the windows, and even though I knew it was a camera image, it didn't seem to matter. Sitting at the breakfast table in this house felt as normal as renting a vacation home.

Would we be forced to stay here, or could we leave?

Kevin searched, and we found that once we signed the Charter and moved into the habitat as residents, we would be required to stay down and acclimate for a year. Afterward, we could visit the surface and leave voluntarily until and except when the habitat was in lockdown, which only occurred when a worldwide crisis was imminent. We found clear statements guaranteeing all surface assets remained our personal property to be held or disposed of as we saw fit. Should someone choose to permanently return to the surface anytime after the first five years, the Foundation would gift each person a substantial monetary award in compensation for their time.

So, we could return to the surface and begin our lives again, but it would be with little more than what was in our bank accounts. Would it even be worth it to try to start over? We weren't decrepit, but we weren't young either. I was almost fifty-four, and Kevin was seven years older. There were enough choices for us to agree there were no deal-breakers.

Pro—According to the documents we read, healthcare in the habitats covered all aspects: mental, emotional, and physical. It was universal and readily available.

Having healthcare tied to employment has been one of my biggest irritations with the United States since I began working as an adult. ₍₂₎ I felt it came close to indentured servitude. While some aspects had improved in the last decade, there were still stark reminders of healthcare continuing to be inequitably applied. ₍₃₎ Many of the reasons appeared arbitrary, but the results were undeniable. ₍₄₎ Many private healthcare systems mainly existed for the benefit of the fully employed or anyone able to purchase their way in. Of those left, some might be relegated to a different system, and others could only beg for help when a medical emergency occurs. ₍₅₎

I remember being astonished when I learned the consequences of the United States healthcare system tying healthcare coverage to a person's job through an insurer. The insurer's publicly stated responsibilities include collecting monthly premiums from each person and disbursing those collected funds to pay the cost of their members' medical care. While the theory was sound, there were times when the practices were not always to the benefit of those whose money they collected. Choices made by the healthcare market influenced those who were the employers and not always to the employee's benefit.

I was working one of my first jobs in the 1980s, and I remember learning one of the men I worked with was unhappy. As we talked, I realized he felt underpaid compared to others with the same experience and education level. He explained to me his wife had developed a chronic illness a few years before, and if he changed jobs to one that paid better, she wouldn't be able to get healthcare since her illness was categorized as a pre-existing condition. Without healthcare, she would die because they wouldn't be able to afford the costs of her treatment. He didn't feel he had any choice except to stay in the same job until he retired. Those conversations opened my eyes to realizing the country I had been told gave its population the best health care in the world, didn't. Almost everyone was ill-equipped for the financial disaster a dire medical diagnosis could create. ₍₆₎

Even though policies had been enacted requiring insurers to cover everyone, even those with a pre-existing condition, the current healthcare system still wasn't available to everyone equally. The sicker you were, the higher the costs to treat your illness and the less any insurance companies wanted to pay ₍₇₎. Many people couldn't afford health insurance, and even among those who could, there were many instances of their requests to cover the cost of treatments being denied ₍₈₎. There were inequities in how healthcare was offered and what it provided ₍₉₎. Policies offered to those who didn't qualify through their employment or were unemployed were often given fewer options. For many in these cases, it was an eventual, if not always obvious, early death sentence.

We both agreed that having fully available health care without worrying about medical bills was a huge positive. It would make the rest of our lives much easier if we chose to stay.

Pro - The Charter and its implications.

We both liked what we read in the Charter. It seemed to grant many rights to ordinary people, including healthcare and a guarantee of physical security. I assumed physical security implicitly meant access to the basics of life itself: clean air, water, food, and light. Combining the words we read in the Charter with Cynthia's explanations yesterday clarified the underlying philosophy. It seemed many societal issues might be resolved through this implementation of the Nordic Model. Poverty didn’t seem as if it would be an issue; neither did homelessness.

I was interested in how much community involvement and interaction was the norm outside of these Community Tasks. I was somewhat reclusive; my self-care and personal happiness required quiet and solitude. Having quiet time alone was essential to me; it's when I recharged.

While we had more questions about the community, we decided none of this was a deal breaker for now.

Pro - Technology

We were fascinated by the technology we saw around us: the vans and lifts, videos of the sky and how we could set up wall displays for images, shows or applications, moving them to the perfect position. It was all slightly more sophisticated than we were accustomed to working with. Kevin wondered about the implications of a self-contained and self-perpetuating biosphere, how air and water were recycled and how energy was generated and stored. ₍₁₀₎

Neither of us felt any sort of change in air pressure, which might indicate we were below the surface. The temperature was comfortable, and neither of us had any difficulty breathing. The water out of the potable water station tasted just fine, and so did the food, which Cynthia, our guide, had assured us was all grown here.

Pro - Possibilities for work

By this time, I was convinced they would offer me a position similar to my current job, creating and helping other developers learn to construct web pages and applications accessible to everyone, including those with disabilities ₍₁₁₎. The whole Charter, equality and equitable treatment scenario and my intuition told me I was here because of my particular skill set. I always tried to make applications more usable for those with disabilities of all kinds. I wanted to make it easier for everyone to have the same independence I did. When most social interactions shifted to online, making sure everyone had the same opportunities became essential. I always wanted to do the work, but fighting for the ability to do it was tiring. I knew I would thrive in an environment where management, designers and developers understood the benefits and worked to help everyone.

Cynthia had told us none of the jobs we would be offered would take up more than twenty hours a week. Even with the other ten hours required for tasks, we would spend far less time on work-related activities, especially if we added the time spent commuting to work. The work/life balance seemed heavily tipped in the direction of life, which we both preferred.

By then, we had gone down our list, and Kevin asked me about my witchy senses, as he called them. I told him about opening myself up to the emotions of those around us.

"There’s no way for someone to hide their emotions from me. And the emotions coming from the ones I opened myself to tell me they're happy and content to be here. But I've only scanned a few small groups, so I don't know if it's universal." I continued, "If it had legs, my intuition would have marched me into the van right when we got to the hotel. Right now, it's calmer, but it feels anticipatory, like there's more to come. "

There were no deal breakers. We decided to get ready for the tour Cynthia had promised us.

I finally started pulling clothes out of my suitcase. It was the end of fall, just a few weeks before the winter solstice, and the clothing I brought was suitable for the season on the surface. However, the climate in the habitat felt more like a warm spring day, so not everything was temperature-appropriate. On a whim, I had brought one conventional outfit, a basic blazer and matching slacks. It hadn't traveled well and was hopelessly wrinkled. I sighed and hung it in the bathroom to steam some of the wrinkles out. I knew it would be too warm to wear comfortably, but at least I now understood why I'd decided to bring it. I did find several casual pieces I could wear, even if some were slightly wrinkled. I was glad I found the carefree bohemian aesthetic appealing. I enjoyed the feeling of light fabrics on my skin, and I also thought some of the styling came closest to mirroring who I thought of as me onto my external self.

I knew how I came across; I'd never found a way to easily send my energy out past the shield protecting me from the emotions of others. And so when I met someone, they usually decided I was reserved and relatively unemotional, solely based on my outward demeanor. Without exception, any of my attempts to break out of the roles assigned to me by society, my family, and even some I considered friends were met with solid efforts to block me. It's not surprising that when a person changes, everyone around them must change, too, even if it's just a tiny change, like calling someone a different name or using different pronouns. Change is scary for many people and even impossible for some, but each of us deserves to grow and change and become who we are meant to be without hindrance. Although I understand the reasons I had been blocked from changing, not being accepted for who I truly was hurt.

 Anything I did to show up as who I knew myself to be made those around me uncomfortable. The unspoken reason was to force upon me a conformity to other's perceptions of who they thought I should be. With so many perceptions forcing themselves onto me, it's no wonder I felt like a chameleon, unable to please anyone, much less myself. Even after I met Kevin, some of the baggage I carried from my past persisted. I wanted to be treated the way I treated others. To be accepted for who I was and be able to express my emotions without judgement. The medium of clothing was the best way I knew to try to reflect what I could not easily project outside of myself. My efforts at dressing lighter were aimed at helping others see past my usual outward reserve.

I wondered if moving down here would help me find a way to break through and show up as my authentic self in a way others could experience. I didn't know if my dream was even possible; the level of trust I would have to feel for it to happen would be enormous. Still, it was nice to experience a feeling of hope.

I put on comfortable clothing suitable for a day of exploring: a long and light gray knit skirt and a white ribbed sleeveless scooped top. Given the temperatures I remembered from yesterday, I added a long, light, thin green sweater to cover my bare arms. I wasn't entirely happy with the look; the sweater flowed past my knees and, combined with the long skirt, felt bulky. But it was fine for a day of sightseeing, and I was more concerned with my body temperature than whether my clothes followed all the style rules. I strapped on my incredibly ugly and amazingly comfortable walking sandals and looked in a mirror. Even though almost everything in my closet could fit under the bohemian fashion genre, I never wanted to look like the fashion advertisements; most were aimed at the aesthetic of a young, thin and alluring waif, always with long, tan, smooth legs peeking out of barely-there skirts or presented encased in low-hanging pants hugging curves with little left to the imagination. However, any resemblance to that image was about 30 years in my past, and I found it hard shopping these styles as an older person. While I had cobbled together a look, my clothing was attention-getting only because I was in my mid-50s, and these choices didn’t match what most women my age wore.

When I entered the main room, Kevin, wearing his usual jeans and t-shirt with a fleece pullover, was opening the door to Cynthia. We were the opposite temperature-wise; he felt cold more often while I was self-heating and did better in cooler environments. We headed for the main walkway and the elevators, and Cynthia informed us that this floor was the only residential floor with access to the lifts. "If someone has to travel between sections regularly, it's the best floor to live on since you don’t have to grab an elevator to catch a lift." She then changed subjects, "I know you have more questions for me, and I’ll be glad to answer them, but did you decide which floors you want to see?"

Kevin immediately said, "I’d like to see a medical floor, something with recycling and maybe one of the entertainment or recreation floors?"

I chimed in, "I’d like to see agricultural and academia floors. Also, is it okay for us to talk to people?"

Cynthia said, "You can talk to anyone you’d like, provided they're willing." She addressed Kevin, "I’ll have to know what parts of recycling you're interested in touring, and then I can request a timeslot so someone knowledgable can be your guide. As to the rest, let’s start at the bottom with one of the agricultural floors and work our way up from there. We can stop any time for you to speak with someone, and when we’re hungry, we’ll eat before resuming our tour."

We agreed; her plans sounded sensible for exploring and talking. I also wanted to interact with people randomly, so I asked, "Can we have lunch in the Eatery today?"

She nodded and punched a button to call an elevator. Once it arrived, we proceeded down to Floor 9, one of the 'short agricultural' floors. Short floors, Cynthia informed us, were 50 feet high as opposed to the residential and tall floors, which were twice as tall. Once the doors opened, I noticed the temperature shift; this floor was hot, early August hot, with copious amounts of humidity. I immediately peeled off my sweater and hoped I wouldn’t pass out. Hot weather and I were not friends. I had a condition called hypohidrosis, which meant I didn’t perspire, certainly not enough to cool my body down. ₍₁₂₎ The only way I managed to be outside for any significant time in the summer heat was when I could submerge myself in a body of water, like a swimming pool or the ocean. Otherwise, I could quickly overheat, which was bad. I struggled to tune into what Cynthia was saying.

"As I mentioned, we're a self-sustaining biosphere, and all our food is grown inside the habitat; currently, five floors in every inhabited section are devoted to agriculture. The sun and temperature patterns are staggered on some floors to give the plants what they need. This particular floor follows a three-season pattern and is currently in the middle of summer." There weren't any walkways on this floor, so we strolled under the shade of the now-familiar trees until we emerged to farmland.

In front of us were fields separated by bushes or orchards underneath a deep blue sky. We walked between blackberry bushes loaded in various stages of ripeness. Clusters of hard white berries shared branches with softer, unripe reds and those ripening into a purple so dark it was almost black. Cynthia plucked a ripe berry free and handed it to me, saying, "Try it." I put the berry in my mouth and bit down; the fresh juice was sweet on my tongue, and I was in heaven. Well, as much heaven as I could be in the humidity and heat. We came to an opening between the blackberry bushes and saw a field planted in what I knew as the three sisters' formation. Beans climbed a stalk of corn, surrounded by vines of various squashes. In the distance, I could see more fields divided by trees and other fruit bushes.

Cynthia was a dutiful tour guide: "Different floors grow different types of food. As you can see, this is a fruit and vegetable floor providing fresh fruits and vegetables to several sections for a while and preserving part of the harvest. Other floors grow grains, meat, poultry and some freshwater fish. We produce grapes for wine and table, coffee, tea, chocolate, herbs, and flowers, especially those with culinary or medicinal uses. Unfortunately, we've been unable to create some sustainable ecosystems, such as the ocean."

Physically, I was having a hard time; there was no way I could walk to the elevators in the center, which seemed to be Cynthia's intent. I finally asked to turn around and go somewhere I could cool off. I was afraid if I didn’t, the next floor I'd see would be medical. Kevin grew concerned and agreed with my request. We returned to the elevator, Kevin's arm holding me steady. Once the doors opened, the hot air followed us, and all I could do was hang onto him and breathe, trying to stay on my feet.

I felt the air cool as the elevator doors opened onto the medical floor, Cynthia's planned next stop. The temperature seemed closer to what I had anticipated, even though it felt cold on my skin, overheated as I had become. Kevin patiently held my sweater, but I wasn't ready for it. Once we stepped off the walkway, I spotted a bench and sat down, and Kevin joined me. Cynthia offered to bring me some water, and we waited quietly for her to return. I couldn't do much more than breathe and try to stay conscious. I remember feeling the same way when I laid down on a cold marble museum floor after succumbing to a new relationship's pleas to spend a hot summer day wandering an outdoor festival along the National Mall in Washington, DC.

Cynthia came back with my water, and as I drank it, she informed us our interviews had been moved up, and we were requested in Section 3 as soon as possible. I only felt slightly better, but my intuition didn't seem to care. It made itself known, pulling me toward the interview regardless of how I felt. Kevin gave me a look, and I nodded, so we agreed to go. Up an elevator to the lift floor, which took us down to Section 3 and finally another elevator down to the office floor. I'm pretty sure the lift contributed to the queasiness I felt in my stomach. I was glad of the time I had to settle as we moved and walked to our destination.

Walkways bisected paths leading to large buildings of different sizes, separated by areas of ground cover, bushes and small trees. The building we stopped at had the words "Habitat Administration" emblazoned on the front. We took an escalator to the third floor. It was different than I was used to; the steps were deep enough to accommodate a wheelchair. Cynthia demonstrated how a backstop could be triggered to make sure nothing could fall back. Once we were off the escalator, we were met by a wall with a desk beside the only visible door. Cynthia walked over and gave our names to a person behind the desk.

Turning to us, she said, "I don't know how long this will take, but when you're done, let whoever is at the desk know what you want to do for the rest of the day, and they'll send me a message. I'll be happy to continue our tour." She left, and then someone led Kevin away. Somehow, I ended up in a meeting room filled with a large oval table. I sat facing the door and waited, trying to breathe and cool down, only then realizing Kevin still had my sweater.

So there I was, sitting by myself, still red-faced, hot and flustered in a sleeveless top and maxi skirt when two people walked in and sat down facing me. They introduced themselves as Effie Tabir and Gerold Philby. Effie was striking; older than me and possibly even Kevin, she bore a startling resemblance to an actress in a show we were watching. She had an elegant and compelling presence accentuated by graceful movements and wore her glossy black hair, faintly spidered white, arranged in a complex braid down her back. Gerold Philby was about ten years my senior, at least by looks. The top of his head was bald and shiny, surrounded by short gray hair, his eyes light brown in a pale face. He didn’t seem very happy to be there.

After introductions, Effie began, "Thank you for meeting us at such short notice. It isn’t how we usually do things, but we discovered Gerold and I; this was the only time we could meet with you. I thought it might be helpful to begin by explaining our positions here, answering any general questions you might have, and then moving into the interview process. We realize this has all been sprung on you quickly, and I apologize." She spoke with a faint accent I found hard to place, possibly from somewhere in the Middle East.

"With that said, I am the NAHE inhabiting Foundation Board member, and Gerold is the General Manager of NAHE Habitat Administration.

She continued, "The Foundation has one board member living in each habitat. We oversee the long-term objectives of the Foundation itself. We are currently involved with building, supplying and recruiting residents who match the skills and personality requirements necessary for our time in the habitats, both for our short and long-term survival. Gerold?"

Gerold began lecturing, "Habitat Administration runs the individual habitats; we maintain the infrastructure, both hard and soft, and logistics on everything from the warehouse contents to room rentals and office space. We also currently run the areas that will eventually be the purview of the elected government."

There it was, the one thing I couldn't find out about the night before. "Why isn't there an elected government? I searched but couldn’t find anything about it except for the reference in the Charter. What is your political system right now? How are your residents being heard?"

Gerold spoke over Effie's attempt to explain, "Since the beginning, the Foundation has been studying what's happening in governments worldwide, decisions made, and the resulting consequences. We want to avoid making the same mistakes in the past, which caused representative democracies to collapse and authoritarianism to rise. ₍₁₃₎ We don't yet have the population necessary to implement a government, so we are still in the planning phase. But it's not an issue; if someone has a grievance or wants to be heard, they can head to the storefronts, the nickname for the Liaison offices."

I paused when I heard Gerold's answer; I wasn’t sure what he meant or how long it would take for a population to grow large enough to warrant governing itself. Was this going to be a deal-breaker? Kevin and I would have to discuss it. I was too independent to like the idea of putting myself into a position under someone’s authority without even a vote as to who that person was.

Effie added, "We do have the Liaisons. In every habitat, their mandate is to facilitate connections between the people. They work with residents to help with any issues someone might have and maintain an office on each residential floor in the inner circle for anyone to request help."

My mind was spinning, trying to assimilate the information before me. I was clueless about why I warranted being interviewed by two officials like this. There was no way they would personally interview everyone, would they? I wondered who was interviewing Kevin. I only had one other question but didn't see any reasonable way to ask: why me?

Effie jolted me out of my thoughts by asking if I had any other questions, and the only thing I could say was, "No, not for the moment." I knew we were moving to the interview phase and braced myself for what would come next. I hated interviewing for jobs, and I’d interviewed a lot in my career. It was always about probing for weaknesses and determining if you had enough knowledge to start from day one. Still, I hoped for an easy interview. After all, it would be playing to my strengths.

"We’re assuming you read the Charter yesterday; if you did not, we can give you time now." After I told Effie we had, she continued, "Could you please tell us what you thought after reading it?"

I found her request a strange question for a job interview, but maybe this was the standard. After all, we had to sign it to live here. "Personally? If the intent behind it truly matches the words I read, then it resonates with my morality and the ethics I’ve chosen to live by. I don’t know if it reflects my assumptions, but I hope it does."

Effie continued, "Would you please tell us about your morality?"

"My morality stems from the knowledge and belief we are all connected, with those we know and those we don’t. This connection extends to the earth and everything existing upon or within it. These connections are both a right and a responsibility, supporting and sustaining us. It's our birthright and one which requires us to sustain and nourish in return. We can't survive without those connections; optimally, we should approach everything with that in mind. Even with those connections, we still retain autonomy over ourselves, and our choices are our own. We are in charge of our individual lives.

"To put it more succinctly, I think there’s a tension between needs and wants on an individual basis, which can extend to a more global level. The way I’ve expressed it before in terms of relationships I’ve been in has been to say my consensual needs come before someone else’s wants, and their consensual needs come before my wants."

Gerold leaned forward and said, "So let’s see how you would implement your beliefs. Can you tell us your thoughts on abortion and the reasons for your viewpoint?"

It was an incredibly personal question, and I felt it was inappropriate for an interview for a technical position. I looked directly at Gerold. I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw a slight smirk and struggled to keep my shields up. I wanted to know what this man felt, but it wasn't right. I tried very hard to keep my abilities out of most interactions, especially when formulating a response to something. I didn't want to tailor my initial reactions; the only way to be sure was to temper my empathy to the level of most people.

A part of me wanted to just walk out of this so-called interview. I started feeling hot as my annoyance about the entire situation increased. My hands tightened on the armrests, but the rest of my body refused to move. I remembered we still hadn't chosen to live here, and I was also interviewing them and this place. How they reacted to my answer would be telling. My annoyance had risen enough for me to decide the hell with it, and I chose to give them my truth and deal with any fallout.

"Abortion should remain legal and be freely available to anyone who chooses to have one. Taking away the right to an abortion is an attack on bodily autonomy, and it also hurts the eventual child who might be born as a result."

I paused and let them absorb my thesis before continuing. "Abortions usually occur for one of three reasons."

I ticked them off. "First, the fetus doesn't develop in a way that results in a healthy child. Second, the life or health of the pregnant parent is in jeopardy. And lastly, the pregnancy is unwanted for any one of a variety of reasons. In terms of unwanted pregnancy, one of the biggest reasons would be poverty or a significant reduction in the circumstances of lifestyle, which disproportionately falls on the pregnant parent and harms the child before they're even born.

"Every child born deserves to be wanted, cared for, loved and treated well. It’s what we as a society owe them. And at least here in the United States, we’re failing them badly. Millions live in poverty; many children are abused, physically or emotionally and become scarred adults, perpetuating the same cycle. ₍₁₄₎ I think bringing a child into the world has to be a personal choice, and I think the best way for society to affirm those decisions is to support those who choose to carry a child and the child themselves in a manner better than we are doing now. We also shouldn't demonize those who choose an abortion. It's never an easy decision to make.

"Sister Joan Chittister, a Catholic nun, has a quote on the subject I find most compelling. She said, 'I do not believe that just because you are opposed to abortion, that makes you pro-life. In fact, I think in many cases, your morality is deeply lacking if all you want is a child born but not a child fed, a child educated, a child housed. And why would I think that you don't? Because you don't want any tax money to go there. That's not pro-life. That's pro-birth. We need a much broader conversation on what the morality of pro-life is.'" ₍₁₅₎

As I finished speaking, I decided I could justify tasting their reactions to my statement. Gerold wasn’t happy with me for some reason but approved of my answer. Effie was relieved.

She made a show of consulting the tablet in front of her. "As with all those we recruit, we have a lot of data on you, and I wanted to share our analysis to explain why we want you in the position we have in mind. We've found you tend to have excellent instincts and are a good judge of who people actually are. It's not to say you haven’t made mistakes in your life, but you have not only recognized and worked not to repeat them when possible but also learned to recognize the more subtle signs preceding their appearance. You have been in leadership positions before with smaller groups and made a habit of working behind the scenes, from a sense of responsibility rather than seeking the spotlight.

"You are intelligent and analytical, but you also exhibit empathy and compassion for people regardless of who they are. You tend to reserve your scorn for actions others execute rather than physical or emotional characteristics. Your surface job shows the same: a technical person who cares about people for their own sake and not only because it affects you or someone you might care about."

She paused momentarily and then looked at me intently, stating, "We would like to offer you the position of Director of Habitat Liaisons, heading up all the Laison groups throughout all the habitats."

She said the last so matter-of-factly, it took a minute for the meaning to sink in. Me? Leading something like that? I wasn’t qualified. But… I stopped for a second and considered what she had said about me. If those aspects of myself, which I had to admit, rang true, were what they were looking for, then the questions they had asked made more sense. Still, I floundered.

 "I'm not a manager; I've never had anyone working under my direct supervision. You’re asking me to manage; I don’t know how many people across twenty habitats, scattered I don’t know where around the world and over I don’t even know how many time zones?"

Effie smiled, I guess because I didn’t run screaming out of the office; in all honesty, I was curious; the shimmer around all of this was one of the strongest I had ever experienced; my intuition wasn’t just pushing me towards this position, it was pulling, and dragging me with everything it had in it.

Ignoring my outburst, she serenely continued, "Your experience as a third-degree wiccan priestess is part of what intrigues us. While your spirituality informs your morality and ethics, it isn’t about blind adherence to a rulebook. You have broken rules and laws impinging on your bodily autonomy."

I considered what she was saying and realized she was correct. When I bought raw milk from a farmer who crossed state lines, I broke a law impinging on my ability to manage my health. I was lactose intolerant, and raw milk didn’t affect me the way pasteurized products did. It was something I did, knowing the laws against it were enacted when milk was handled in a way that promoted disease. Regulations around clean raw milk production would be straightforward to implement now. However, the larger companies providing milk spent money and influence successfully blocking regulation, preferring to avoid keeping their dairy farms at the level of cleanliness required of raw milk production and instead heating the milk to kill any of the filth possibly contaminating the product. ₍₁₆₎

"The fact you have no managerial experience is something we did consider. Still, your other abilities are uniquely well suited to this position, and those who currently head their habitat’s liaison group are already well-versed in managing their departments. While the Liaisons have been successful in terms of their individual habitats, we need someone who can lead them all and help move them to implement the last part of their mandate, to help the people in individual habitats begin interacting and connecting with those living in the others. Our long-term objective is for the residents in all our habitats to come out of this as a connected people. And so we need to start working together now, regardless of anything happening on the surface. To that end, you would be responsible for using the Liaisons to implement an underlying common culture based on the Charter.

"But we want more from you than simply carrying out those duties. As Director of Habitat Liaisons, you would also be a non-voting member of the Foundation Board, keeping the needs of the individual uppermost in your representations. Lastly, you would become the Face of the Foundation, the person who is the board’s spokesperson internally and who introduces us to the outside world at a time and place of our choosing.

She must have noticed my astonishment because a brief smile crossed her face as she continued, "As to why you in more detail? First, the roles we offer you are intertwined; situations will arise from various sources, needing to be considered with a holistic perspective. You are both organized and practical; our analysis suggests you think deeply about issues. You’ll allow other viewpoints to be aired even when you believe your initial assumptions are correct. You listen more than you speak, and as I mentioned before, you seem to have an intuitive understanding of both individuals and situations. As circumstances evolve and change, some areas you will be working with will demand more attention than others.

"Sometimes your job will entail more than the usual twenty hours a week, so we would like to make you the following offer. The habitats have a program called renumeration, designed to award those who create something significant for the public good. There will come times when you won’t have the time to participate as a full community member because of your other responsibilities. Therefore, should you accept this offer, your monetary account will be replenished yearly to the maximum amount. During times of maximum work, all your Community Tasks will be waived, and you will still receive the regular monthly income, which we call the recompense."

I sat there, silent and stunned. This wasn't something I had ever considered or even imagined. Did I even want to do this? This position sounded very people-centric, something I had avoided for much of my adult life once I realized how much of an introvert I was and stopped fighting my actual nature. The nature of the position gave me the most pause, though. It was a position of responsibility combined with power, which I didn't want, much less crave.

But, the shimmer of my intuition was strong, and while I was still being pulled strongly, for the first time since we had started this crazy trip, the pulling felt joyful, as if I had found what I had been searching for my entire life, I felt a peace within me telling me this was what I was meant to do. Effie was right; I approached situations like this from a sense of responsibility rather than privilege or wish for public adoration. I didn’t want public praise, which probably meant I was better suited to it than someone who did. The earlier questions made more sense; if I could align my morality with the Charter, I could more easily use it to guide my choices. I guess I proved something when answering a question about a very controversial subject. My personal decisions and the philosophy behind them seemed to resonate with the Charter. Suddenly, I knew I could do this job.

"It’s a very generous offer. Would I be correct in clarifying this position would be part of what the Charter considers a sensitive post?" At Effie’s affirmation of my conjecture, I continued. "So I would be under the part of Clause Three which says I can’t lie." Both of them nodded, "But as a sensitive post, it means I’ll have information not supposed to be shared with anyone other than those I'll be working with, and since I’ll be working in so many different capacities, I’ll have to compartmentalize those interactions as well?"

Gerold looked startled, even more so than Effie; it felt as if the situation hadn’t been considered, most likely because no one else had been in a similar position. "You mentioned a holistic understanding was one of the reasons this position is so varied, but to achieve that understanding, I’ll need to be able to work things out, sometimes without any input other than my own, which wouldn't be a good situation for me or those decisions. I propose I be able to confide in my husband, Kevin; he’s held sensitive clearances in the past and understands the need to compartmentalize situations."

Any opposition to my proposal was a deal-breaker for me. Being required to hold this significant part of my life from Kevin would harm our family dynamic and my well-being. He had been my sounding board for years. Answering his questions helped bring up things I missed. He kept me grounded, and I knew I needed to be able to talk with him if I were to take this position.

Effie answered immediately, almost as if this had been anticipated. "If he's willing to sign the same oath we’ll require of you and be under the same prohibitions, we would agree." She busied herself on her tablet and then looked up. "I’ve requested him to join us; he’ll be here shortly."

We sat waiting for him, and I still felt Gerold's disapproval of me. I couldn’t figure it out; it wasn’t something Effie was aware of, and she had done most of the talking. Whatever the reason for his disapproval, it seemed to have no bearing here because if I wanted it, the position was mine. To live here? To make a difference in people’s lives for the better. It wasn’t a dream come true, but it felt right as if I was aligning myself with something larger than myself in a way that needed to happen. It’s what meant in the Wiccan Rede, 'An it harm none, do what ye will'. In this case, my Will was not about doing something I wanted personally but acting according to my place in the universe. I felt this situation was in conformance with my Will.

Kevin came in and sat down next to me; I reached over and grabbed his hand under the table. Once again, Effie spoke, "Kevin, thank you for joining us. The position we are offering to Alexandra also concerns you, and I’d like to bring you up to speed." She gave Kevin a brief rundown, focusing on the job requirements and the position's sensitivity, then continued, "Alexandra has requested she be able to talk to you about everything, and we understand you previously held a security clearance. We would be willing to allow for this situation provided you agreed to take and adhere to an oath not to divulge what she tells you in confidence. I have to tell you this places you in the same situation as Alexandra, that of a person in a sensitive job who must maintain secrets but is also forbidden to lie. If you break the Charter and lie, you will be designated an oathbreaker, and I will stress oathbreakers need not be treated humanely. I’m not telling you this to frighten you but to know the consequences of what you are being asked to do. Take this choice seriously. If you choose not to participate, be assured we can work with Alexandra to find a way for her to have a safe and trusted ear when she needs one. This need not preclude either of you from living here, so please, take any fear of that particular scenario out of consideration."

My heart sank when I realized what I was asking. Kevin loved to tell stories and interact with others. Was this request of mine too selfish? I didn’t want to put him in a position where he "need not be treated humanely." Whatever it meant, it didn’t sound good. I realized I would also be held to the same standard. But choosing to live under it myself was one thing; I didn't want to be in the position of putting pressure on someone else. I also realized Effie had driven through to the center of the matter, clearly and succinctly laying out the responsibilities, consequences, and assurances he needed to make his own decision. If he had those tools, he could stop worrying about unknowns and focus on the matter before us.

He began asking some of the same questions I had, and Effie answered them patiently as Gerold and I sat silently. "So Ally’s going to manage the Liaison offices worldwide; what exactly do the Liasons do?"

A set of bullet points started appearing on the walls around us, startling me until I realized they were similar to the video screens we had positioned last night in the house.

Liaison Mandate

• provide a forum to both air and solve grievances as they arise, which cannot be managed through the Habitat Administration’s regular channels,
• help people find the best solution to an issue,
• act as a conduit between the people of the habitats.

I studied the words as much as Kevin did. As much as Effie had already explained, I hadn’t asked about the authority or the mandate. I realized I was relying more on my intuition than on the facts. This was why I needed Kevin.

 "The Liaisons were created out of a mandate by the Foundation Board, and while they’ve accomplished some aspects of the mandate, there’s more to do. Each habitat’s Liaisons are focused on their home habitat; we need Alex to lead them into working with each other. We realize it’s a big job; frankly, it's not all she will be required to do. She’ll also be working with the Foundation Board in her capacity of leading the Liaisons, and we want her to become the public Face of the Foundation."

Kevin looked at Effie and asked wryly, "When does she sleep?"

Effie smiled slightly and said, "Alexandra’s job requirements will be more demanding than yours at times, especially at the beginning, and if the unimaginable happens, but for the most part, we hope she’ll be able to maintain the usual balance most of our residents enjoy. When her work schedule is arduous, we’ll waive her community task time, including the mandatory hours. Also, most of the jobs shouldn’t have much time overlap. While her work setting up the Liaisons to accomplish more of their mandate will occupy her time once you move here, there won’t be much need for her with the Foundation Board." She changed the subject, "Do you know much about creatives and co-ops?"

Cynthia had explained during yesterday's trip, so Kevin and I nodded. "Good. We understand the needs of this position would preclude Alexandra from participating in that process; because of this, we will give her what we call the renumeration, and her account will be replenished yearly to the maximum amount. She’ll be able to participate in our community as much as she wants without worrying about finding time to earn extra units."

Kevin squeezed my hand, and I squeezed back and released it. We had enough information to go back and discuss everything. "You’ve given us a lot to think about," I told Effie and Gerold. "How much time do we have to consider it?"

Effie answered, "Your initial invitation was for a week. We would need a decision before you leave us, but an answer in a few days is preferable since our offer is contingent on some additional screening we require. Should you choose to accept, there will be appointments to determine your physical health and any issues we should need to plan for, and some psychiatric screening to ensure you can make rational decisions. For the most part, those are formalities. Afterward, you will return to the surface and take as much time as needed to wrap up your life there.

"One word of caution: you are under an NDA, which will still be in effect on the surface; therefore, no one there can know where you've been or are going. We will provide you with information you can use to explain this move to others when you leave your community. Any money you receive for selling property, small or large on the surface, should be deposited in your accounts there. We don't use surface currency, though you can purchase items from the surface with it. Because of the position we are offering Alexandra, we’d be happier with both of you moving down here sooner rather than later. Within the next six months, say. Upon returning, you’ll be asked to sign the Charter before you descend and the oath before Alexandra begins working."

She nodded at Gerold, who handed us what looked like two small phones, "These mobile interfaces will grant you access to more of the habitat's amenities to help you experience how we live; we've added enough units for you to participate more fully on the living floors, like culinary and entertainment. They'll also grant you access to the house you are staying in and act as a positioning system guiding you there and wherever else you choose. Once in your house, these devices will sync with the system and give you access to more internal information about this habitat."

Effie added, "Alexandra, your identification code will also give you access to information regarding your various positions."

With that, it was apparent the interview was over. It was even more obvious Kevin and I needed to talk and eat. We left first hand-in-hand and asked the desk person to let Cynthia know we were getting lunch and going back to the guest house. We were silent as we left the building and returned to the elevators. I finally cooled off enough to wear my sweater as we headed to this section's Culinary floor.

We made our way to the closest Eatery on the Culinary floor. It was a large building, similar to the one we had passed the evening before. We were now used to the walkways and elevators and followed a few others through the nearest door. Once inside, we found ourselves standing in a lively dining room with people scattered around the room, eating, laughing and talking. I saw differently shaped tables, some large enough to hold eight or twelve, rectangular with chairs on each side, and smaller square tables seating four or even two. I noticed a couple enter the room from a doorway opposite ours, carrying filled trays. They walked to a half-occupied table and sat themselves at the other end. Kevin and I moved to the doorway they just left, lured in by the smells.

We were in a buffet area, I remembered Cynthia mentioned every Eatery had one continually open. Except for the doorway opposite ours, the various appliances created a barrier between us and the walls, displaying a wide variety of dishes we could choose from. Refrigerated sections held yogurt, soft cheeses and other cold food choices. Other stations held more composed hot dishes. A large circular station in the middle of the room had more cold choices with what looked like ingredients for salads and sandwiches. The variety available was amazing, especially since we'd learned the habitats were self-sustaining. I did notice while animal proteins were available, the vegetable offerings were more abundant.

It took me a while to make my selections. Most items weren't labeled with ingredients, and since I had an intolerance to gluten, it made choosing what I could safely eat much harder. I finally made a large salad with various proteins and vegetables while Kevin selected a meatball sandwich and fries. I have to admit I resented him at that moment. It was a typical situation, but I thought it might be better here. Didn't people like me, with food issues or sensitivities, deserve to know what we were eating? I wondered if I could use this new position to help facilitate changes like this. It was a health issue, and while not all food sensitivities were immediately life-threatening, all did damage. At the very least, I could find out who was in charge and bring it to their attention.

We walked back to the dining area, and I noticed drinks were available along one of the walls. I also saw a long table with only two people sitting across from one another. Remembering my observations earlier, I took the lead since I had always found it easier than Kevin to identify nuances in social situations. Once we reached the table, I started with introductions. "Hi, I’m Alex, and this is Kevin. We're being recruited, is that the right word? to live and work here. We’re trying to decide. Would you mind if we sat down with you and asked some questions?"

As they looked up, the one facing us nodded and said, "Hi, Kevin and Alex. I’m Lucian, and this is Arnesto; we're both he/him. Sure, we can try to answer your questions. Go ahead and set your plates down." Lucian was slim, with dark hair and a straight, heavy brow dominating his face. Arnesto was burly in comparison, with a neatly trimmed beard and mustache alongside somewhat shaggy hair. We placed our trays down, and Lucian pulled mine next to his; Kevin then shifted his tray to sit across from me.

The drink area had a shelf filled with glasses, each with a thick, slightly transparent blue band at the top, set up next to the drink dispensers. Looking at our choices, I noticed that while a few were labeled as fruit juices, milk and milk-type beverages, most were dispensing water or iced herbal and fruit combinations. We both filled our glasses with an orange mint tisane.

Once we returned to the table and got settled, the four of us began talking; Kevin took the lead this time, and I listened while eating my salad.

"How long have you been down here? Do you like it? What kind of work do you do?"

Lucian answered first, "I've been down here for three years. I'm a teacher who focuses on basic writing—scenarios such as crafting social community messages, longer articles and the fundamentals of creative writing. My passion has always been to foster creative writing, so I teach advanced classes to subscribers on my own time."

He paused briefly as a smile crossed his face, lifting his brow and allowing his brown eyes to shine. "I never thought a society created to survive a nuclear war would place as much importance on creativity, aesthetics and intellect as they would on the more prosaic crafts which allow us to survive. It was a pleasant realization."

Arnesto followed, "I came down in 2011; I still work for a software company on the surface that has an agreement with the Foundation. The habitats use the systems and applications for free in return for storing the source. They store engineers like me, too. So if there is a nuclear war, everything's safe, and software development can return to normal sooner rather than later."

I wondered, "Are there a lot of deals like that around?"

"Some, it’s kind of like an insurance policy. Even if the world goes to shit for a few years, the source code and hardware powerful enough to run it is available here, and we just keep cranking out new code and fixing issues. Life doesn’t stop, and the same company owing it now would own it after."

Kevin looked up from his sandwich and asked, "What happens if we end up in a Mad Max movie?"

Arnesto took a moment before answering, "According to the studies, it isn’t very likely, even in the event of a lot of nukes being tossed around, but if it did, and the companies no longer exist, then the Foundation owns it, and people like me down here just keep chugging away."

It sounded to me like more people, or at least those in positions of influence, knew about the Foundation than I had imagined. I turned to Lucian, "You mentioned you teach subscribers in your own time. Is that what the habitats term your creative or co-op work? How does it work?"

Lucian answered me instead of taking a bite out of a cookie he was holding. "I can hold a virtual meeting from home, but in-person classes usually get everyone talking more, and there's better synergy, so I rent a room on a residential or academic floor. Either way, I open the class for reservations and charge a fee covering the space rental; anything extra goes into my account. Since I teach a niche subject, my classes are usually small. Living here isn't very expensive, and it's downright cheap compared to where I lived before in New York City. So I'm doing fine with what I get for my creative work and monthly recompense."

Arnesto added, "I’m writing an app so restaurants on the culinary floor can post their daily and weekly menus and specials. It will be easier for app users to decide what they want to eat and where on the go, and it ties into the reservation system."

"That sounds great," Kevin said. "How much will it cost?"

"Oh, I won’t charge for it; I’ll give it away. I already made renumeration for an app I helped write to manage reservations on the entertainment and recreation levels. I like creating them, and the ones I’ve done so far have made it easier for everyone. The co-ops like it because they have a better idea of how many to expect at a given time, and the customers can make appointments from their mobiles, which they couldn't do before. I’ll probably be slowing down some anyways; Lucian and I plan on starting a family soon."

"How wonderful!" I exclaimed.

"It’s a lot easier down here, even though marriage equality has been legal up top for two years."

I was puzzled by what Arnesto meant by "easier" and thought of another question: "Could you explain that, please? And can you tell us if there are any restrictions around reproduction?"

Lucian took over then, "The Foundation has a general rule; until we know how long we're down here, we restrict ourselves to replacing our population rather than growing it. No one wants to set a specific reproductive target until we've reached our initial population through recruitment. If someone doesn’t want to have kids, that’s okay; their choice means someone else who wants to can have another child. Everyone's circumstances are different; some, like us, want children but, for whatever reason, can’t have them without help. Others enjoy being pregnant and are willing to be surrogates. Some might even want a third, which they can have if we're within our target parameters. However, a third child would be born from stored materials without a genetic connection to their parents. Abortion is available freely, but between easy access to birth control and the fact everyone has a decent life down here, most times, an abortion only happens because there’s something wrong with the health of the person carrying the pregnancy or the pregnancy itself.

"We're partnering with another couple, Shay and Ria, and we'll raise all our kids together as an extended family. There are daycare centers, and neighborhood parents form groups to give each other an evening or two free a week. Families are a strong focus of the community's support. It's a lot easier when the village does come together."

Arnesto added, "Also, each kid gets their own recompense and subsidies. Having a family here isn't more expensive; it's been built into the economic system. Children don’t get as much monthly as adults do, but it means someone who chooses to become a parent, regardless of their relationship status, isn’t penalized for it by increasing costs. No one has to work two or more jobs to feed their kids; everyone benefits."

Our plates were empty; it was almost time to part. "One more question," Kevin said as he stood up. "Having lived down here for a decent chunk of time, would you consider leaving the habitats and moving back up?"

Both men started smiling and shaking their heads, "Absolutely not." "No."

Lucian said. "Life is so much better here than it ever was up there. Here, we get to be ourselves, to love each other and our friends. We get to do work we love but not have it impinge on our lives. We get to live."

Arnesto added, "I wouldn’t trade this for anything. It's the best life I can give our children."

And so we left the Eatery, each of us lost in our thoughts.

When we entered the guest house, Kevin immediately went into our shared bedroom and shut the door. He needed time to process all of this; we both did. I peeked into one of the private rooms and got a chair from the kitchen, which I placed in front of a collapsible desktop set against a wall. Sitting down, I set up a screen and pulled out the mobile interface, following instructions to access and sync the house system with the information I was now allowed to see.

The process happened quickly and smoothly. As soon as it finished, an introductory document appeared, instructing me how to search for and view the contents I could access. I quickly noticed I could access social media conversations as an observer, but I started reviewing material about the Liaisons first. I looked at the oath I would be required to take. I studied everything I could, absorbing it and knowing almost nothing in there could change my decision. I knew my path. But if this was a dealbreaker for Kevin, it had to be for me, too. He would be affected by all of this in a way he wasn't used to. I wouldn't pressure him to agree. If he chose to walk away, so would I. The bottom line was Kevin needed to process and work through whatever he needed before we talked. Since I had no control over him or his thoughts, I applied myself to learning as much as possible about the group I might lead and its current structure and responsibilities.

He came out a few hours later, and I looked up from my social media searches, which had been informative. We both got something to drink and walked into the main room, sitting down and looking at each other. I always liked looking at Kevin; his baldness accentuated the planes of his cheeks, and while there were very few who, in my eyes, could pull off a beard, his goatee, grayer by the year, just made him more kissable to me. Whenever I look at him, I'm reminded of a phrase I once heard, "Men fall in love with the person they are attracted to; women become attracted to the person they love." It might not have been that way for everyone, but it was true for me.

He sat up straight on the couch, arms held loosely in his lap, looking directly at me. "I didn’t see that coming, did you?"

When I admitted I hadn’t, he continued. "I know you always let me have my say first. I think you believe if you said what you wanted first, I’d always agree because I love you and want you to be happy. Maybe it’s been true in the past, but this one affects you more than it does me. So I want you to tell me what you want first."

We knew each other very well, and even though I disagreed with him about who this decision affected more, I took his point. He did need to know my thoughts on this without any other influence, even his.

I took a deep breath and began. "What I want isn’t this; I would have been happy living down here doing the same work I do now. The idea of being in such a powerful position scares the hell out of me. I don’t want or crave power. I don’t want to have the ability to dictate what anyone should do or think." He started to interrupt, and I raised my hand to stop him before continuing. "If I take this, it will be hard on me. It will be hard on both of us. Being a public and influential figure doesn’t fit very well with my introversion and need for alone time, and neither of us is used to the type of scrutiny I'll be under. Also, if I’m managing 19 other places scattered, who knows where; I’ll be in time zone hell; it’s apparent each habitat is synced to the time zone above it.

"But regardless of what I want or my personal comfort levels, my need to take this on is stronger. I know a person who doesn’t want or crave power and authority and sees the position as one of service and responsibility is usually a better fit for it in the long run. And I have to say, that does describe me. Before you ask, my intuition is telling me to accept the position in the strongest way I remember ever feeling.

"I think I could be happy living here, regardless of the job. I think it's going to get worse up there, a lot worse, but it's going to take time to simmer. Even beyond the idea of surviving a nuclear war, I think this would be a happier and more secure life for us. None of that matters, though; if you don’t want to live down here or can’t handle the idea of being married to someone with a job like that, I don’t want our relationship to suffer. From what I can gather, there will be times when I’ll have to work a lot, and I won’t be there in the evenings with you sometimes. "

He looked at me and said, "There are no deal breakers here. I was attracted to you from the start because you’re strong and smart. I love you for those qualities. Right now, they want you for those very same reasons. How can I reject this place because I might not get the same attention as you?" He joked, "Seriously, I’m worried they might want me to be around as a public figure, and you know I’m not great in crowds or around people I don’t know well. Look, whatever happens, I'll handle it.

"The job they're offering you isn’t a deal breaker for me; living here isn’t a deal breaker either, and neither is my swearing your oath under certain agreements." He paused momentarily, "You know I had a clearance before I met you, and you’ve never asked me anything, so I never had to lie to you. That’s the big part here: being required to tell the truth but not supposed to let out the secrets, either. I want you to tell me what you need to tell me, but I don’t want to hear about anything you don’t need my help on."

I could respect his condition. I had an idea this was one of the reasons they wanted me to be the Face of the Board; it insulated them from exactly this situation. "I’m okay with it if you are."

And so, we made our decision.