Acting Out

Noodin Kasabien - January 23, 2019

It was becoming a thing to wake up happy and raring for another day in NAHE. Living here as a single was pretty good, but Noodin Kasabien liked being part of a family. He and Tessa had taken her granddaughter, Ruby, to a board games co-op on Ent 2 last night. While the intent was to give Kaja and Jerry a date night, he had enjoyed watching Ruby play Azul. Since no one had been to Portugal, one of the kids was randomly chosen to fill the factory displays, and the game began. ₍₁₎

He itched to help her, but Tessa kept him next to her, and she was right; Ruby had to try it for herself and learn as she went. It was one of his favorites, though, so maybe the two of them could manage a game or two next time. It might be fun to teach her some of his favorite strategies.

He'd met Tessa at the Hanlons' a few years before when Kevin had invited him over for dinner, and she had been there for a class with Alex. They'd all eaten together, and it had been great. Tessa and her family had moved down five years before, and she was one of the liaisons who had jumped over to the LCO. They soon developed a habit of meeting regularly, and now? Well, now, he guessed he was in a relationship with Tessa's whole family. He'd never met anyone in all the years he'd been down here who he clicked with the way he did with Tessa.

Before leaving the house, he checked his schedule. He'd learned to do it regularly since his social life had expanded. He didn't want to miss a minute! The only events listed were a mandatory tasking shift this afternoon, and dinner with Kevin and Alex at their house, nice!

After lunch, he headed to his tasking shift on Academia. Since most childcare amounted to after-school care, keeping everyone on the same floor made sense. The supervisor sent him to entertain a group of seven- and eight-year-olds, his favorite age group. Young enough to let the old tales into their hearts even as they questioned everything.

Over a dozen children were in the room, laughing and chattering as he entered and nodded to the two other taskers already present. When one of the children spotted him, they ran to the mats spread in a semi-circle before a chair. As he sat, he noted all the smiling faces in front of him. It was all the reward he needed.

"Noodin!" "Hi Noodin! "Tell us a story!" "About Wenebujo!" ₍₂₎

"Okay, okay." Noodin sifted through his memory. "Have I told you about Wenebujo and Tortoise?" He sat in his chair surveying his audience. He recognized all but a few kids, which meant he had to be sure to add his extra explanations in.

"Who's Wenebujo?" "Tortoise, what's that?" "Tell us."

Noodin answered, "Those are really good questions and probably important to understand before we start the story. Who knows what a tortoise is?"

A few hands shot up, and he called upon a child in the front row, frantically waving their hand. "In the front, in the gray-green shirt, what's your name?"

"I'm Solon, he/him. A tortoise is a land reptile with a hard shell that grows around it. It's like their house. There are turtles, too; they live in the same kind of shells but in water."

"That's right! Tortoises and other animals live in the same place the Chippewa people come from, where I lived on the surface. Even today, people from my tribe live on the surface, among the animals, far to the north, in a land filled with woods and lakes. Over generations, the Chippewa told stories about the land and animals around them and how they came to have many of their physical features.

"Wenebujo is an ancient deity, one who is ever-present, and in these stories, they give the animals their unique features. And while now we know more about how different species have evolved, these stories are still fun to hear. Are you ready?"

The children nodded, and he began to tell the story.

"When the world was young, well before any people roamed the woods, there existed only two tortoises. They were soft and green with very short legs, and could live both in the water and on the land. Now, short legs are fine to have, but it did mean they couldn't walk very fast, and when they did walk on land, their bellies were low to the ground and got scraped up something awful, especially if they were walking over something uneven, like rocks. So they mostly stayed in the water, preferring large ponds surrounded by lots of plants, nestled deep in the woods.

"Back then and even to this day, the strong animals in the woods hunt the weaker ones and eat them. And so it was with the one we'll call Tortoise and another, stronger animal we'll call Otter."

Noodin paused when a child raised their hand, "Isn't hunting bad?"

He answered them seriously, "Hunting is part of the natural order; almost every creature is prey to another. We all have to eat, don't we?"

The child considered his answer and said, "I like our way better."

Noodin decided not to ask what the child meant. "I like our way better, too." He settled back in the chair and waited until all the children were paying attention before picking up his story.

"Now Otter was strong, and he wanted to eat Tortoise, but Tortoise lived in a pond, where Otter could not go. Then came a day when Tortoise wanted to take a walk on the land, but because he couldn't run very fast, he had to make sure there were no other animals around who might want to eat him. So he looked around, and sure enough, there was Otter, racing toward him really fast. Tortoise saw a piece of bark and got under it, drawing in his legs, head and tail. Otter ran right past him, not even noticing Tortoise hidden away beneath the bark. After a while, Tortoise crawled out from under the bark and returned to his pond. He never noticed Wenebujo, who had been watching the whole time, seeing how Tortoise saved himself from being eaten by Otter.

"Sometime after, Wenebujo went to the pond carrying an empty bag and his canoe, which is a small boat he could use to travel alone on the water's surface. Once they found the pond, Wenebujo showed themself to Tortoise, asking Tortoise if he knew of a place with a lot of fish. He told Tortoise that if he could help, Wenebujo would give Tortoise a sturdy house he could carry on his back.

"Well, let me tell you, when Tortoise heard Wenebujos's offer, he didn't waste any time; he dove down and searched for fish. Once he found where they were all swimming, he came back and told Wenebujo where they were.

"Wenebujo thanked him and launched their canoe to the spot Tortoise indicated, filling their bag with all the fish they caught. When Wenebogo left the pond, they found Tortoise and asked him to come out of the pond and onto the land. There, Wenebujo found two pieces of bark, placing one on Tortoise's back and the other on his soft stomach, using their magic to turn the bark into a strong shell. Tortoise wasn't so sure of this, but Wenebujo persuaded him to test it by going to where Otter usually passed. Tortoise got on the path, and sure enough, pretty soon, even while pretending not to notice, he spied Otter in the distance.

Otter spotted Tortoise standing on the path and quickly ran over, jumping on top of Tortoise to eat him, but Tortoise drew his head, tail and legs into his shell. Otter could not bite the shell, and could not get at Tortoise, and soon Otter left, leaving Tortoise unharmed. Wenebujo told Tortoise that from this day forward, all of his kind would carry their house wherever they went."

As his story ended and he rose from his seat, the children began to get up and wander to other activities, waiting for their parents to pick them up. A few gathered around Noodin, clamoring for answers to their questions. One, a gamine child claiming the name Rowena, was insistent on knowing why there were no tortoises in the habitat.

"But we have all the parts to make them, right? Why can't someone make us a tortoise?"

"We don't have room for all the living creatures on this planet," Noodin tried to be patient."

"But I want to see one, why not?" Rowena screwed up her face, and Noodin thought she was about to cry.

"The habitats were designed for people, not animals, and we only raise the animals we need for survival. We do have all the parts, and we're saving them for a time when they might be needed. And the time isn't now because tortoises still live on the surface."

She still didn't seem convinced, so Noodin tried again. "Rowena, I promise you, at some point, should it ever be necessary, we'll use the parts and make new tortoises."

Rowena calmed down, and together, they pulled up images of tortoises from different zoos around the world. Some, like the African padlopers, were small, with shells only a few inches long. Others were much larger, like the Galapagos tortoise, which weighed hundreds of pounds and had some shells measuring over five feet long. Rowena decided she liked the tiny Egyptian tortoises the best. ₍₃₎

Only minute dots of light enlivened the dark of the sky dome when Noodin walked the dimly glowing path leading to Kevin and Alex's house.

Yard after yard were orderly in their conformity, a tree, dormant in what passed for winter, surrounded by raised beds and trellises, all cleaned up, waiting to come alive once spring arrives. Not so the Hanlon's yard.

They had lived in the same conjoined house since their arrival. Usually, these houses were occupied by those who were part of larger families, and while the structure they lived in had been built for the same purpose, the other side had been assigned to Alex for her office.

Apart from two widely separated trees, their front yard was distinctive, having nothing in common with any of the other yards. Where most yards showcased vegetables planted in raised beds along with a few flowers growing in a pleasing fashion, the plants surrounding the Hanlons were comprised of herbs, flowers, and, if Noodin was being honest, lots and lots of weeds. It was a chaotic mess, with no pattern or design he could discern. The yard did have a certain charm during the growing season as different plants unfurled their colors.

Until recently, the two sides had been mirror images of each other, but the office side had been under construction for the past few months. Kevin had told him they were making it more efficient for Alex and the people who worked with her. It looked to Noodin like construction was finally done; all the materials previously piled in the yard were gone, leaving matted masses of withered and brown plant material behind.

The entire garden was a mess, even in the areas where construction materials hadn't been stored, filled with dead plants left to decompose in place. He could make out a trodden path around the yard, close to the house.

From there, his eye was drawn to the front of the office space, and he walked over to study it more closely. He examined the base where the construction work had cleared the plants away, and there he saw something he'd never seen anywhere else in the habitat. There were rocks of different sizes; some a translucent white alongside darker stones, both shiny and matte, carefully placed next to each other along the building's edge. Smaller stones and chips were scattered in front of and between, creating an unbroken line of various colors— white, along with orange, brown, purple, blue, gray, green and red. Noodin poked beneath an untouched area and discovered more rocks against the structure hidden underneath the yard's detritus. He turned back and walked over to their front porch.

The Hanlons rarely locked their door; Alex had made it clear she wasn't running to the front of the house whenever someone came over. Sure enough, it opened at his touch, and he began walking down the long hallway toward the kitchen.

"Is that you, Noodin?" Alex's voice rang out from the back of the house.

"It's me, Alex." He walked into the main living area and saw her in the kitchen, gathering ingredients. A cutting board and chef's knife were on one side of the kitchen island, with empty bowls ready for prepped ingredients and another for scraps. "Want me to prep?"

"Would you?"

Noodin looked at the pile of cleaned vegetables, neatly arranged next to the cutting board; chili peppers and aromatics were closest to the board, followed by the vegetables. Furthest out was a plate of deboned chicken. "Just tell me what you want done first and how you want it. What are we making?"

"It's one of Kevin's favorites, Thai Green Curry. I wanted to make something special, and I haven't been able to make it before now since it requires fish sauce, which isn't available."

Noodin wasn't surprised; as versatile as the habitats were, they couldn't provide everything, still…

"Can't they make it with freshwater fish?"

"As far as I know, it's traditionally been made from saltwater fish." Alex grimaced, "Besides, do you really want the smell of fermenting fish anywhere?"

He thought about it, yeah, no. Even with the air filters, it wouldn't be a good smell. "I'm guessing you found a substitute?"

"I did; it's a fermented mushroom sauce the Eatery has named 'nofish.' It's full of umami, so I'm hoping it will bring its magic to this meal." She bent down to retrieve a food processor from a cabinet and plugged it in while chatting.

"I need to make the curry paste first, so if you wouldn't mind, could you de-seed and chop the chilis for me? Shallots, ginger and garlic need to be cut up a bit, and the lemongrass should be finely chopped."

"No worries," Noodin grabbed a clean pair of food prep gloves from the drawer before deseeding the chilis.

As Alex brought the last ingredients to her side of the island, he glanced up and noticed how tired she looked. There were shadows under her eyes, and as she placed the items on the counter, he noticed her movements weren't as precise as they usually were. "I noticed the construction on your office space seems finished. You must be relieved. What's changed?"

She measured the spices —coriander, cumin, white pepper, and turmeric— combining them into a small dish as she answered. "We moved the studio portion out of my office into the larger room on the interior side, which will also be office space for my assistants. On the exterior side, we incorporated the original patio space behind the front wall into the building. It expands the square footage enough to support a shared space configurable for meetings or collaboration. We also expanded the hygienic facilities and made room for what I call my sanctuary."

Sanctuary? Noodin thought about the word as he finished the last cayenne pepper and reached for both shallots. "What do you need a sanctuary for?"

Looking up from the lime she was zesting, Alex asked, "The long or the short version?"

Noodin considered the question. Longer stories were more suitable for nights spent seated on cushioned chairs, with warm drinks in hand. "I'll take the short version for now." He started cutting the roots and stalks off the lemongrass, peeling away the leaves until he reached the tender portions, which he could then chop.

"Okay," Alex took the already prepped ingredients, dumping everything into the food processor along with the spices she had measured earlier. Then, she measured more cumin and coriander into the same small dish. "You know I'm an introvert, right?"

"You aren't exactly a talker unless prompted, but what do you mean by introvert? You like being alone?"

"Liking my alone time is part of it." She retrieved another cutting board and knife, then reached for the basil and the lime leaves, which, once chopped, were placed into their own small dishes. "I don't know enough about your spiritual beliefs or practices, so I'm just going to ask if you have any beliefs around universal energy."

Noodin considered, "I believe there's an energy throughout the universe, which is the source of all things and which everything shares. Because we share it, we are kin to all, and we should act as such, treating all with reverence and respect." He flushed at his words, remembering.

Alex ignored his shame, and for a moment, he busied himself with peeling and chopping the garlic and ginger, grateful for the time to settle as she continued her story.

"Then you might understand when I tell you I'm sensitive to this shared energy, and while I can't say it's the only reason I'm an introvert, I'm sure it's a part of it. When I'm around people, my energy becomes drained, and I only recharge when I'm awake and alone. So, I'll use the sanctuary as a place to recharge. But there's more to it."

She paused as Noodin passed her the chopped-up cilantro, garlic and ginger, which she promptly added to the food processor. She began running it intermittently, scraping the sides down in between.

"That's a lot of curry paste, Alex."

"I'm tripling the recipe for later meals; it freezes pretty well." Once the paste was smooth enough to her liking, she pulled out a steamer and began preparing rice, filling a pitcher with potable water and adding it to the reservoir.

Alex looked over as Noodin reached for the zucchini, "Thin strips, please; the same for the green peppers when you get to them." She rinsed the rice, finally adding it to a container with more potable water, which was then placed in the steamer to cook. She wiped her hands and resumed her story.

"The rest of it relates to an experience I had the day you first met Kevin; call it a premonition. It's as good an explanation as any other I can give. During this premonition, I experienced something painful enough to cause me to vomit and lose consciousness."

She began spooning out all but a measured amount of the curry paste she had made into silicone trays, which she then carried to the freezer.

"Initially, all the furor and preparation were about how my premonition might affect all the people in the habitats. It was a while before I had a chance to think of how it could affect me as an individual. I'm more sensitive to the shared energy you referred to than anyone I know. The sensitivity isn't linear in my experience; it's more like the Richter scale. Which means if my premonition does come true, I will likely feel it more than most. I'm not being histrionic when I tell you I believe that, should it happen, I could die if I'm not protected. ₍₄₎

"I proposed my sanctuary to the Foundation Board, and they approved my request. We had already agreed on the need to upgrade the office space, so it was relatively inexpensive to add the construction of the sanctuary space to the project. And while the Board has covered the physical construction, I'm preparing it as an energetically protected space."

She reached for the jar holding bamboo shoots and began slicing.

"During the Liaison Conference, I met participants from the other habitats who shared beliefs and experiences with shared energy. We've been organizing and preparing for energetically protected spaces, should it ever become necessary. We're prepared to rent the community space and prepare it for those who already know their sensitivity and those who might find out the hard way. Not everyone will be affected by it, but we'll be prepared for those who might."

He had to ask, "Did this premonition give you an indication of when?"

Alex didn't stop concentrating on her task as she said, "I will not tell you that."

Noodin was ready to change the subject. "Since construction is complete, it looks like your garden could do with a cleanup. I'm willing to pitch in with Kevin, just say the word."

"Hands off my garden," Alex had a smile on her face, but he could tell she was deadly serious. "It's part of my energetic protection plan." She quieted, "It's one of the reasons Kevin is irritated with me." She took the onion he was about the chop out of his hands and indicated he should work on the chicken instead. "Bite-sized, please." Noodin cut a sample, and she corrected him until he was slicing to her needs.

She rapidly chopped the onion and then set the table while she waited for the electronic pressure cooker to heat up. Noodin noticed something was off.

"Why are you only setting the table for two, Alex?"

"I won't be joining you since I'm working tonight. I'm meeting with some of the Liason Heads, and it's during their preferred work time, not mine." Her eyes seemed to stare into the distance, and a slight frown appeared on her face.

"We have a regular schedule in place designed to make it easier for me as the weeks go by. This first week is the hardest; the habitats I'm speaking to are ahead of us by ten or more hours." When the cooker indicated it was hot, she stirred in the green curry paste and some coconut milk, letting it simmer for a while. She was quiet as she added, "It's another reason Kevin's upset."

It took Noodin a moment to puzzle out what she was talking about; the habitats all followed the time zones on the surface. He pushed the cut-up chicken over to her, and as he went to wash his hands, he had to ask the obvious question: "But you're their boss; shouldn't they be using your schedule?"

Alex added all the chicken, the broth, and more coconut milk to the pot. She verified the gasket was correctly installed, closed the pot and programmed it to begin.

"No, they shouldn't. I speak to each of them individually every six months. We take turns regarding the timing, and when all of the liaison heads speak together, we do it on a different habitat's schedule each time, which is equitable. The only requirement I've imposed is consistent meeting times, so I only have to deal with the crazy portion of my schedule once a year."

Noodin still wondered, "You know, I forgot all about time zones; why do we still use them? It doesn't matter down here. For that matter, why do we have to go through the whole time change twice a year? It's nuts!"

By Alex's look, he must have barely missed her "foolish meter" because she did answer. "Each habitat still has contact with those on the surface. People who have moved here still connect with their friends and families, and others continue to work remotely for other companies. It just makes sense to keep the time zones and changes."

"It's got to be hard on you."

The pressure cooker beeped, and Alex released the pressure immediately. Steam began to drift from the opened valve. Her tone was matter-of-fact as she replied. "It's part of my job. Since the Charter emphasizes equitable treatment, I certainly can't require others to always accommodate me simply because of my position." Her tone softened, "The person it's hardest on is Kevin. He hates this time with a passion."

Once the pressure was released, Alex reset the pot to heat again, adding the remaining ingredients and letting them cook for a few more minutes. Once done, she replaced the cover and set the pot to warm.

"I've got to head back to my office to prepare for tonight. Thank you so much for your help and conversation. Dinner will be ready as soon as the rice is done. Enjoy your evening with Kevin."

Alex, you've got to eat."

She looked at him fondly. "Noodin, I promise you, I'll eat. I'll have enough time between meetings to have dinner. Besides, I think Kevin needs you, and it might be easier for him to open up if I'm not sitting at the table."

They hugged before she turned and walked through the doorway connecting to her office, shutting the door behind her. The steamer pinged, indicating the rice was cooked.

Noodin made his way to the room they called the den, where he found Kevin reclining in a cushioned chair, a screen on the wall in front of him blaring out the current season of one of those ever-continuing surface reality shows while playing a game on the tablet on his lap.

He looked up, "Hey, Nood, what's up?"

"I'm here to tell you dinner's ready."

"Great!" Kevin quickly stood up and led the way back to the family area, where the table was set. He surveyed the scene and prepared a bowl of rice topped with curry before sitting down in his regular place, as if everything was right in the world.

"Wow, Green curry! I haven't had this in years! How are you, buddy?"

"I'm fine, Kevin, but what the hell is going on?" Noodin prepared his bowl and sat down opposite Kevin in what was usually Alex's seat.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that your wife, the person you repeatedly tell me you love like no other, who is working herself to the bone and who will probably be working most of the night, has just made you and me a dinner which she won't be able to eat for hours. And all the time I was helping her, you were closeted away, looking pretty bored, I might add."

Noodin looked into his bowl; he could see pieces of chicken surrounded by strips of peppers and zucchini lying on top of the broth-soaked rice; it looked delicious, but…

"I don't understand why you invited me over for dinner, knowing Alex had to work tonight. We could have just gone somewhere to eat; why did Alex have to cook for us?"

Kevin started sputtering, "Well, she has to eat too, and if we went out, there wouldn't be anything for her later."

"We could have brought something back, or you could have cooked tonight. Why put it on her?"

"I don't know what she wants to eat, and I don't want to screw it up and have her go hungry or get her something with gluten in it and have her get sick. It just works better to have her get what she'll eat and cook it; you know I'm no cook." Kevin had been about to take another bite, but he put his fork back in the bowl and sat there, something close to a pout appearing on his face.

Noodin wasn't having it. "You know, Kevin, what I just heard sounds a lot like weaponized incompetence." ₍₅₎

Kevin's eyes snapped up sharply, and Noodin continued. "You and Alex have been together for how many years? At least ten, probably more. Can you honestly tell me that in all the time you've been together, you've never paid attention to what she likes to eat? I call bullshit, I've seen you in the Eatery telling her when you spot one of her favorites, and you're obviously aware of her food issues."

Kevin flushed, and Noodin let him sit in silence as he took a bite of his dinner. The curry was spicy, but not overly so, just enough to make it pleasant. As he got older, Noodin appreciated more spiciness to his meals than he had as a younger man. Kevin picked up his fork and began to eat. Noodin noticed how Kevin savored his dinner, closing his eyes and concentrating on the complex flavors. Finally, Noodin had had enough and asked, "What's going on, Kevin? Why are you being this way toward Alex?"

When Kevin looked up, his face was pensive and thoughtful. "I think I'm jealous of her job." He grimaced, "Not like that, I don't want it for myself. I'd hate it. It's more like I'm jealous of the time it takes away from us." He paused, eating a bit before continuing.

"With construction done, she's in that bathroom she calls a sanctuary a few nights a week, and she tells me she'll be at it for years."

Kevin mimicked Alex. "It will be done when it's done." Returning to his normal voice, he added, "And don't get me started on the time she spends teaching her wicca students or insisting on tasking, even though she doesn't have to. She tells me it's important to her, but all I can see is how much time it takes away from us."

Noodin remembered feeling the same way with Abeque all those years ago. "So you think you own her time?"

Kevin considered the question before answering, "If I'm being honest, I guess a part of me does. The whole thing is starting to remind me of a situation we went through a few years after we got together. Our relationship has always been open, and for the most part, I was the one who pursued relationships with others. She didn't mind; looking back, she was pretty easygoing about my time away from her. The only thing she ever asked of me was to keep her informed and tell her the truth. And it was easy; we weren't just partners; she was my best friend, and I could tell her anything.

"It was different when the situation flipped. There were a few times when she met someone she wanted to pursue something with, and she was open about it. She set up a schedule with time for each of us and kept me informed. I couldn't act the same way she did when the roles were reversed. I was jealous of her time with someone else since it left less for me, and it became a problem."

He paused for a moment. Noodin opened his mouth to speak, then shut it when Kevin held up his hand, asking for a moment. When he was finally ready, he said, "That's exactly how this feels, and I'm acting the same way I did back then. I remember when it came to a head. She met someone she liked, and I was jealous of the time she spent with him. When we did see each other, I made her miserable, complaining about him, making so much of our time together about her other relationship, and acting out in stupid ways.

"She finally forced me into a conversation about it, and wouldn't let me duck out of it like I normally did. I told her about my jealousy of the time she spent with him. She tried to reason with me, but feelings aren't logical. She told me my fears of her leaving me for someone else were baseless; however, if I continued acting this way, she would leave our relationship because of me.

"I told her I couldn't help how I felt, and she agreed we can't help our feelings. She did tell me that I might not be able to help how I feel, but I could choose how to act. It's exactly what's going on here! I hate this month; it's the same as the last two years; we're on different schedules, I don't see much of her, and I miss her. It's even worse this year, with the time she's spending prepping her sanctuary."

"So you use your entire time with her sulking, pouting, and punishing her?" Noodin leaned back from the table, crossed his arms and gave Kevin a stern look.

"I guess so; I've been an ass, haven't I?"

"Well, I can't speak to that, but if you feel like you've been an ass to her, chances are it's probably true. So other than apologizing, what are you going to do to help her through this busy time?" He turned back to his bowl; the curry was good.

They discussed making sure there was food in the house that just needed to be warmed up. Kevin agreed to ask Clarissa for ideas. Alex's assistant was becoming more like a family member; she could confirm Alex's preferences since she and Alex often picked up meals and ate in the office.

"Did you know Ally's getting a new assistant in a few weeks? Her name's Faye, and you'll see her around a lot since she's moving in next door. I haven't met her yet, but apparently, it's just her and an almost two-year-old granddaughter."

"Where are her parents?" Noodin was puzzled; generational families did come down; Tessa's was a good example. She had been living with Kaja and her husband when recruited, so the whole family moved. But a generational skip was unusual.

"I don't know the details, but apparently, her daughter died a few months before they were supposed to move here." Kevin sighed, "It's a tough situation; Faye's got a bad enough case of rheumatoid arthritis that she usually has to get around in a chair. They'll move into the empty house on the office side to make it easier for her. Ally told me the kid, Eileen, has a lot of issues when she's separated from Faye, so when Faye's working, she's probably going to be here too. I told her that if they need someone to keep an eye on her, I'll be happy to. I like kids." ₍₆₎

"I like being around kids, too. Ever since Tessa and I became a thing, I've spent a lot of time around her family. Ruby, Tessa's granddaughter, is so much fun! We took her gaming last night, and I just had the best time watching her play." Noodin fought back the sadness when he thought about his own estranged daughter.

Kevin got up and took the now-empty bowls to the sink. "I'm hoping another assistant helps things calm down. Except for Clarissa, everyone she's tried hasn't worked out for one reason or another. It's too much for Clarissa to handle on her own, and since she and Marcel are in the middle of moving in together, Ally seems to be handling more and more of it. Which takes up even more of her time."

Noodin decided to wade right back in. "Is there anything you could do to help out and give Alex some extra time she might spend with you?"

"I guess I should help out more around the house when she's busy like this," Kevin offered.

"Meaning, you don't usually? Why not?"

"Well, it just hasn't been us. When we lived on the surface, I worked about an hour away when traffic was good. Coming home, it could take me two or three hours to drive from work to the house. Since she usually worked remotely, she did most of the stuff around the house and yard. I did mow the lawn, though, and fixed things around the house." Kevin began placing the rinsed dishes into the automated dish cleaner.

Noodin couldn't help himself, "Alex works harder than any of us down here; why do you expect her to keep doing everything? Why are you still hanging onto the same old playbook?"

Kevin flushed, "It's how I was raised; my dad worked, and my mom stayed home with us kids. Her job was cooking, cleaning and caring for us. It's what women are supposed to do."

Noodin thought back. "It was the same in my family. My dad didn't do much more than hunt. It was my mom and my sisters who did most of the household chores. Even once I left the reservation and married Abeque, she did most of the housework, even when holding down a full-time job."

"We just did the same thing our parents did. I mean, it wasn't like they told us it was the way to behave; we just learned to do what we saw around us."

"Yeah, but things are sure a lot different here and now than it was for us as kids." Noodin sat back, thinking. "And we're still acting the same way we were raised. In your story about you and Alex and your relationship, she mentioned something about feelings and actions. What was it?"

Kevin returned to the table, sitting down again in his usual seat. "You mean when she told me I might not be able to help how I feel, but I could choose how to act?"

"It pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now. I might not be able to help how I was raised, but I can still choose to act differently. It doesn't sound very complicated, does it?" Noodin couldn't help but explore this thought further: "All these attitudes we're talking about —it's not like someone said, 'This is a woman's role or something like that.' We must have learned those lessons from what we saw around us. Kids see everything.

"I mean, Kevin, it sounds like we're going to have a bunch of kids running around us soon. Eileen and Ruby, for starters, and if Clarissa's moving in with Marcel, there's going to be at least the possibility there. Do you really want to act out and infect those kids with the same attitudes we were raised with?"

"No, of course I don't, Nood. And Ally doesn't deserve how I've treated her, either. I think I can figure out how to change how I treat Ally, but the other stuff is so ingrained, I don't even know where to start."

"Would you be willing to see a therapist?"

Kevin flushed, "You mean headstuff? There's nothing wrong with me."

"Oh, come on, Kevin, what else is there? Why acknowledge a problem and then stiffen up when the solution means you might have to confront yourself? I know it's hard, man; I've already gone through it over Aanang, and I'm still going through it. Let me tell you, therapy isn't always about venting or beating yourself or someone else up. Sometimes, it's learning about tools and practices to help us deal with a situation. Give it a try, at least. Think of those kids."

Kevin conceded, "You're right, Noodin; I'm sure there's some therapy group already set up to keep us old folk from contaminating the next generation. Let's look into it."